Yep, I might be slowing down little bit but I still got it. Man says I don’t hear too good but I can here a beef jerky wrapper from a mile. And I can still sing too. I like a good canyon with nice echos to harmonize with. Man can get me going though it might take a minute. And sniffing? My sniffer works great. Like the other day some big mountain kitty kilt a deer right by our house! Well, man didn’t know but I led him right to it. Blood, guts, deer parts everywhere. Whenever he’s not lookin’ I like to go over there and grab a bite of something but then he starts into yelling at me. That’s what he means when he sez I don’t hear too good. When my sniffer is working overtime it kinda drowns out any other senses. I don’t hear him at all and he gets all mad cause he has to come and drag me away just when I’m finding the best parts. Oh well, there’s not much left anyway. It’s amazing how fast it’s gone. The crows, and those noisy black and white crows and everything else. It’s like there’s a party going on right next door and I’m grounded. Oh woe is me. But it’s okay, man still makes bacon on Sundays. and pizza bones. He made a pizza and I get the bones for days. And carrots. Did you know I love carrots? True. Man says it takes care of my dragon breath from eating dead deer. The cup’s half full I guess. Or the deer is only half eaten is what I say. So, yeah, I still got. Maybe not the quanity of miles we used to do but the quality. I mean I’ve got 5 dawg beds around the house in strategic places, and one in the truck of adventure and a couple at the work studio place and a couch so I’ve got chillin’ covered. Trained man good on that one. So, don’t forget to chill and use your sniffer, it could lead you to buried treasure! Desert Dawg – over and out.
They say you can’t teach an old dawg new tricks but you can teach a young dawg all kinds of stuff and you can even teach an old dawg like #2 here how to behave and get humans to do anything you want. Yep, it’s true, even old humans like man are very trainable but it’s young dawgs that we are talkin’ about today. Like man’s good friends got a puppy border collie. She’s sweet but a little wild. She likes to patrol far and wide, for miles, for hours. We never even know where she is most of the time. But, she’s learning. They give her treats all day long so I just stick right next to them and I get treats all day long and I don’t even get all tuckered out. Just stay close. That’s lesson # 1. Lesson # 2 is Tolerance. What’s that you may ask? Good question I’ll say. Putting up with humans is not always easy especially when they want to put all kinds of silly clothes and harnesse’s on you. I like a bandana cause it’s my signature look and man says I’m easier to spot when I’m in stealth mode but Dawg 2 wears a harness thing cause sometimes she needs a leash. She suffers from some uncontrollable urges and needs to be reined in. Other dawgs, cats, stuff like that. Me? I’m just Mr. Mellow. I don’t give a s__t. Big lesson there for younger dawgs. Oh yeah I don’t tolerate wearing a dawg pack at all. I mean we tried but they suck. Always gettin’ caught on everything and generally ruining my feng shui. I trained man to carry everything that we may need. It took a little while but as I said he’s trainable. Alway make sure you choose humans what’s trainable. Lesson # 3. I can’t remember just now what that is cause I’m feeling a little sleepy. In fact I think I’ll just stretch out on the couch for a bit, catch a few zzzz’s, dream of wandering the endless canyon wilderness with man and his friends. Ahhh, the glory days. I still got it but I really like napping, a lot. I like to have a lot of dawg beds in strategic places so I can keep my paw on the pulse. I mean us dawgs may look like we are sleeping but are always ready. For anything , anytime, anywhere. Actually I like to nap in the truck when man is packing so I’m ready. Even if he’s not leaving until tomorrow I just curl up in the front seat. Ready but out of the way. Preparedness: That’s me, Desert Dawg. So if you got some lessons you want learned or questions on human training just reach out. The lines are ready to answer your questions. Woof!
So, when is supper already? Well, it used to be whenever man ate. Then I got it moved to 5:00 but slowly I got it moved to 4:00! You see I can read the clock on the kitchen stove. B______t you cough? No really, I start giving man ‘the look’ at 3:58. Then if he doesn’t start digging around and serving the good stuff with whatever he adds like bacon grease, fish skins or eggs, and such well then I just go lay down in front of the kibble bag in the kitchen and look back and forth from man to food, food to man. He usually gets it by then but not always, humans are so slow to understand basic things sometimes. So yeah, breakfast is when we get up right away when man is making is morning black syrup and supper is at 4:00. Of course sometimes there’s 2nd breakfast, and elevensies, lunch, tea, and best of old gross half rotted deer leg! Yep. we live right on some kind of deer highway, or at least by an exit or something cause there are more good deer parts around here then you can shake a hoof at. My favorite are the ones with some gristle and fur and still moving elbows and such. So, whenever man is busy which is most of the time sitting on the silly screen thing swearing about some orange anus, well I just wander off to one of my caches and grab some good munching. Makes the day just a little smoother except when I gag on a bit o’ fur. Maybe puke a little bit. Man doesn’t seem to mind as long as I miss the rug. The other good thing is I get to prewash all the plates. I mean we have fresh eggs almost everyday and I lick ’em clean, Eileen gets ones too, and then Man just puts em’ back on the shelf. Saves water he says. When we go adventuring I clean all the dishes and my specialty is licking out the corners of those freeze dried food bags. Gotta have some real tongue talent to get in those corners. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. The most amazing thing happened yesterday! Man, woman, Eileen Underfoot and myself were all in the town to the west of us that nobody can pronounce and man and woman stopped for burgers. Well, there was nobody around so they let us out of the car when usually we have to sit and silently suffer while watching them stuff their faces with burgers and fries (with fry sauce, cause we live in Ewetah) Well, they let us out and after we got done cleaning up around all the outside tables the nice man inside asked if we wanted a treat? Of course we do! Next thing you know he hands out 2 huge cups of ice cream with bacon! OMFG! Do dawgs get ice cream headaches? I wolfed it down in one huge bite! So, the place is called Nemos. Go there! It’s the best. Dawg Advisor and Woof! gives it 6 stars out of 5! So, I gotta take a nap, chillin’ hard after all the good food. I hope you all are gettin’ fat too! Wet bacon breath dawg kiss. – Desert Dawg
Well, a big thank you to all dawgs and their humans who commented last week, wrote stores, commiserated an’ stuff about what it’s like gettin’ a little older. Man is gettin’ pretty lazy too. He’s a helluva napper, even snores on the couch sometimes in the afternoon. Sometimes even his paws twitch! But what I wanted to tell you is that we ain’t done yet. We went out a few months ago down to one of my favorite canyons with a whole bunch of stuff but this time we went all that way down to this lake. It was all muddy an’ stinky and people down there had boats as big as houses! But man and woman, they just had these tiny little inner tube things called packrats. Well I though a packrat was just a big smelly mouse but they had these packrats that they blew up and made me an’ Eileen Underfoot (also known as dawg # 2) git in em! There was no room. Man is so huge and powerful and musclely with his humongous pack and where was I supposed to go? Well, I’m loyal as at the day is long and always do what man says so I got in. As You can see it was not very comfortable and this is coming from someone who is used to a really nice couch. Well, I got in somewhere between mans sculpted legs and his massive pack and we went paddling around in what man called ‘Lake Foul’. It was not fun. Type 2 fun I guess you could say. Type 3 is when it’s raining. Well we bravely tired to cross this Lake Foul but there was boats and little ones like motorcycles and one time somebody got their boat as big as a house stuck in a canyon and me and man had to wait while they made like a 17 point turn to get turned around but then they threw man 3 beers so everything was alright. Anyway it was mainly miserable until they found a beautiful little camp in an alcove up a canyon with firewood and a nice spot to nest up and go exploring around too. But I think that’s the last time I want to go packratting unless man gets a bigger one. We still had a grand adventure except for when we were in the mud and getting passed by noisy people on motorcycle boats. Our camp was quiet, and there were big birds like dinosaurs flyin’ by and bats at night and the canyon walls made for excellent howling especially after 3 beers. All in all it was type 2 fun except being with man, and woman and dawg 2. Well, that made it all good. Just where I’m supposed to be. And as mans says: “You crushed it DD!” when I wasn’t getting crushed that is. Even adventures that aren’t fun are fun when you’re with the right humans and dawgs. DD – over and out.
So, I see you have some maps out, lookin’ at places to go, adventures to have. But you know I’m gettin’ a little tired in my golden years. I don’t mind sleepin’ all day long besides gettin’ out for some sniffs a few times a day. Gotta keep the pipes clear as you like to say. I still got it, don’t get me wrong but those big trips like in our movie? Nope. I think, I’ll stay home and guard the couch. We got some CBD oil comin’ whatever the hell that is to make chasin’ bunnies a little easier and getting in and out of the truck of adventure less of bother but the big, long days are pretty much over for me. I know it’s hard for you but just think you won’t have to carry all that kibble for me anymore, and my sleeping bag, and pad, and treats. Yep, you carried all that stuff and more. It’s harder on you than me. I get to stick around and keep an eye on things but you have to be out there without me? Who’s gonna watch out for you? I guess you have your human friends but they is different. You have to talk to ’em and explain yersef an’ stuff. When we went out we just went. No words, just trust, nonverbal communication. You made the plan and we did it, we did it together. Well, if you gotta go, you gotta go. Solvitur Ambulando as you like to say. I want you to be happy and I realize you gotta clear your head and look at the stars but I don’t know who you are gonna howl with without me? I will be here for you and I will miss you. I will always be here for you, Love, DD
Thanks everyone who chimed in about gettin’ creaky in my joints. Got a hitch in my giddyup as man would say but we got a heap o’ advice about what to do. The overwhelming response was something called CBD oil. I don’t know exactly what that is but I guess it’s on the way. I hope it tastes like the bacon pan I git to lick clean as soon as man gets done transcribin’ this for you my fans. Oh yeah, Thank You! Thank you for all your kind words of wisdom. They are just like a nice skritch behind the ears, makes me feel warm and fuzzy like. So, a bunch of humans recommended glucosamine and chon something or other, and someone mentioned Devils Claw that they use for their horse. And there was some other stuff too but mostly it was the CBD. So, it’s on the way and just stay tuned and we will do a test run. Maybe it will make me jump like Kalei pictured above with me lookin’ handsome and her lookin’ silly. That’s what she does mostly is look silly. She’s not a spring chicken either but she can run and jump like a puppy. She’s smart too, most of the time, when she’s not annoying. But as I told you she’s a border collie so you gotta take that into account. She’s a quick learner though. She’s so good at finding’ dead deer parts that she brings ’em home for me to chew on. I like the hooves with some fur and gristle still attached the best. Gross you say? Well, have you tried rotten deer elbow? I highly recommend it. Counrty livin’. That’s us. Me and my bestie also known as Twinkletoes Underfoot. She’s runs around on her toes and she’s always ………… finish this sentence. Don’t forget hats! I’ll have man take a new pitcher so you can see all the awesome new colors and you can rock DD Trucker hats wherever you go! So, if there’s something you want to talk about or need some good ‘ol dawg advice just reach out okay? Desert Dawg over and out. Peace, and long walks with tons of good sniffing!
So yeah, I’m back. I really didn’t go anywhere but I kinda suffered from writer’s block whatever the hell that is. Man says it the news but he sits there ranting and raving about some orange idiot who doesn’t even have a dawg fercrisakes. Me. I’m just chillin’ hard, soaking up all the wisdom and treats and love and respect that I get as a slightly older dawg. Don’t get me wrong. I still got it. But I just like takin’ it easy. We got a new dawg in our household and she’s got enough crazy for both of us. She’s no puppy either but she got some energy. But she is a border collie so go figure. She’s sweet though when she’s not weird. She likes to walk around in a circle tryin’ to talk with an old stuffed duck in her mouth. Me? I got better things to do like wait for the bacon pan or man to go anywhere. Anywhere at all. Vigilant. That’s me. Loyal, wise, handsome are all words that I would use to describe myself. Man went on some trips these past months that I didn’t get to go on. Made me real sad but I got to chill with my favorite people and keep them company so it was important. People without dawgs are so lonely. They don’t get to walk around 4 times a day and look at the sky, sniff, and pee outside wild and free. So it’s the New Year? Who cares. Maybe that means man will cook more bacon? I think the main thing is to look up at the stars, breathe deep of the cool desert air, stay calm, don’t panic. It’s all going to be okay. Don’t forget to walk outside 3 – 5 times a day. Aim for camping 30 nights at the absolute minimum for the new year. Love older dawgs cause they is very wise. Oh yeah man just wanted to say he got a new load of official Desert Dawg trucker hats from our friend Anneka at Recaps. So, send man some clams and he’ll git you a new hat. All kinda awesome colors too. Oh and another thing man wanted me to ask ya’ll? My joints are gettin’ stiff after a big hike? So, like CBD? or turmeric? Gluecosamine or something else I can’t spell? We open to yer advice. So get outside, tell whosoever next to you that you love em. Well, maybe not if your sittin’ in a coffee shop but if yer at home. Wet smelly dawg kisses for the New Year from Desert Dawg.
I know it’s been too long since you heard from me. Just takin’ a break from social media. But I’m back and full of stories and advice for y’all. Man was gone for a long time this winter but I got to stay with our wonderful friends Olive, Eli, and their humans. Olive has a huge crush on me and kinda drives me crazy but she’s sweet although kinda annoying sometimes. Eli is a zen master of all things, he’s wise, aloof, calm and collected. Man was gone what seemed like forever but I had lots of dawg beds and treats, and walks and love so it was all okay. Then Man came home really stinky and tired. His duffel bag smelled all kind of strange but he was home! But then he got sick. Sick as a dawg some would say but who knows where that comes from? When I’m sick I just puke once and I’m all better. Man was sick forever it seemed like so we laid around a lot. He’s learning how to relax but it’s not easy to teach an old dawg new tricks. He finally got better and together life resumed. Wake up, cuddle for awhile, chat about what we gonna do that day. Then man drinks his magic brown syrup while I eat my kibble. By the time he’s done he’s pretty mad about everything for some stupid reason but then we go for a walk and pee and breathe and poop and the world comes into focus. I usually grab a snack of cow shit while man is looking up at the sky. Together we solve stuff. You can come and we can help you solve stuff too. Look for the magic. Cow shit or pieces of rock. Magic everyday. Just have to open your eyes and look around. Sniff and smell. Breathe. So we’re back, man is mad but walking always helps. Always. In the afternoon Biscuit and Oona come over with their woman and we all go walking. The humans drink red stuff out of jam jars and take silly pictures of themselves. The stress of the day dissolves at the same rate as their jam jars empty. Except when Oona chases cows then her woman yells a bunch. Oona is like 10 lbs. wet but likes to chase 2 tons cows around. Go figure. So yeah, take a walk, walk a dawg, heal yersef, save the world one dawg walk at a time. Oh yeah, if ya’ll got any particular advice you might need from me about dawgism just shoot us a note. Woof! Desert Dawg over and out.
That’s right. The cats are gonna pay for it. I wuz thinkin’ of building a wall about where I 70 crosses Ewetah but man say we have a lot of friends from up north. So, I’m just going to appoint my self supreme ruler and have a council of my best friends which include:
Supreme Dawg Council: Tashi, Angus, Henry, Biscuit, Oona, Eli, Olive, Fergy, Honey, Cally, Gus, Tractor. If I forgot you just give me a woof and I’ll get you on the list. And Skadi and Snorri too!
First, the rules:
Allowed: All dawgs except for bad ones. Most humans, hiking, wandering, soul searching, watching clouds, listening, sleeping, eating, loving, living, camping, etc.
Not allowed: Assholes, atvs , hunting, shooting, mining, mean people.
So, I’m just figuring out this new National Dawg Park thing so I need your hep. Suggestions? Those with 30 smackers for a Desert Dawg ‘Keep on Truckin’ hat will be considered first. Contact man for details. Don’t forget this is Your Park. So let’s make the rules together, the less the better. Where dawgs (and most humans) run free. DDNP!
Standing by for your feedback – Desert Dawg.
Yep, that what they called us yesterday. Those blood sucking parasites trying to take away my backyard where I wander with man. Where I am lord and master of the glorious landscape. Where I rule and roam, howl, and run. Where I’m free, where man is free. To think, to dream, to sleep, to live, to love. Wealthy? Not sure was that is but I guess it’s when there’s plenty of milkbonz in the cookie jar. Elitist? What the heck is that? Urban? Isn’t he a country singer? Good guy to howl with. Dwellers? Aren’t we all? I dwell in the present. Sometimes I dwell in the truck. Mostly I dwell out here in the land of the free dawgs. Man is pretty mad right now. He might make me bite someone. But we are peace loving creatures. We just love to hike, and camp and howl at the moon. But a very small group of greedy humans want to take this away from us. All of us. You. Yes you, reading this. Feel helpless? I know man does sometimes but there is something you can do. No matter where you live. If you love the Grand Staircase – Escalante National Monument. If you love all the National Monuments all over the country. If you love dawgs. This is the tip of the dawg bone. If they do it here they will do it where you live too. Stop whatever you’re doing right now and write. If enough of us let them know we have the power to stop the evil. Here’s what you need to do right now, this minute:
Easy huh? Took like 5 minutes of your valuable time. Thank you from the bottom of my smelly dawg breath heart. Really, this is serious shit. Man thanks you too.
- Desert Dawg