What The Hell Is Going ON?

Yep, that’s me back there resting in this fine wonderful beautiful photo man made of our sublime camp in the Waterpocket Fold. I was tired. Dawg tired. I’m growing older gracefully man says but I gotta say this last trip was pretty hard. I puked a couple times. The heat? That cowshit I ate? The Lake Foul water I drank? I dunno but it was pretty rough so I rested a lot and let man wander around creating beautiful artsy fartsy pictures with me in them. I mean just look at that swimming hole right outside our tent in the desert? Doesn’t get much better than that. The thing is man and our wonderful friends Lisa and Keith keep talking about the land, and the beauty, and the quiet and some crazy assholes that want to take it all away? WTF? Sez I the Desert Dawg. Who would want to destroy this? Only crazy people. I know they are out there. I’ve smelt them from a distance and it’s not a good smell. We’ve been wandering these canyons since time began. For me that is. As long as I can remember which is pretty far back man and I have camped, climbed, gazed at the stars, howled at the the moon, tiptoed around cactus, climbed cliffs, swam through slots and camped in the most beautiful places a dawg or a human can imagine exist. Why would anyone want to take this away? It’s our right. It’s our life. It’s our land. It’s our Water. It’s our air. For all dawgs and humans. I tell ya, no dawg would ever dream of spoiling this incredible landscape. What is it with humans that they would destroy the very thing that gives us life? WTF? Man’s ranting has rubbed off on me but I’ve never heard him so upset about stuff. Luckily the beautiful Lisa is around to make those guys put a lid on it. Lisa likes to read to me. Ohhh, it’s so nice, the sound of her voice, a canyon wren in the distance, I just go right off to dreamland and she just keeps reading away. It’s the best. She brings me treats too. So for the sake of all dawgs and humans make the crazy ones stop. We need the wild lands wild. We need to roam, and howl at the moon, and swim in the scummy potholes whenever we want. That’s livin’! And that’s what we do – me and my man and his super awesome friends. Keep It wild!

Desert Dawg

Extreme By Day, Extremely Comfortable By Night

Yep, that’s us, what we do.  Explore the great unknown by day, relax in great comfort by night. I’ve got man trained so well. He carries my tent, my bag, my food, everything that I need to be extra cozy every night. It took several years to complete this human training. They may be slow to comprehend even basic commands sometimes. But, with patience, and perseverance any human can be trained to be a good human. Sit, stay, the easy stuff is no problem. But, getting man to carry ten pounds of gear and food for me? Well, it wasn’t easy but after a couple of years he figured it out. The other thing that takes some time is camp orientation. What’s that you may wonder? Well it’s simple really. Once man sets up my tent, blows up my mattress, shakes out my sleeping bag, feeds me dinner, makes sure my water bowl is full of fresh water then he can take care of his own junk show. The thing is I need to be able to smell and see everything going on. So the tent or sometimes the truck has to be facing the kitchen, or the fire , or wherever food is being prepared and people are hanging out so that I can be ever watchful, waiting without of course having to move. Wind is also an important consideration. The sleeping quarters should be downwind so the wonderful cooking smells blow right into the tent and my sniffer. Luckily man has done this thousands of times and has it totally dialed. That’s why we are such a great team. It took many years but we have it down to a science. I believe in science, do you? So, if you want to learn how to dawg camp like a pro you should come with us sometime. There’s only one thing that makes man really mad. Tent rocks. Yep, rocks that humans move to hold down their tent and then leave ’em there. Arrgghh. If we just even walk by tent rocks where humans have camped man has to stop and move them all back where they belong. So be warned: when you come camping with us take extra care with your tent rocks and put them back exactly how you found them. You know, when I’m done with my morning business I sweep over it. Well, man sweeps up the whole camp, then walks backwards out to make sure there is no sign that anyone was ever there, ever. That’s my man. Extreme by day, extremely anal and comfortable by night. Join us! Put back you tent rocks! – Desert Dawg

Happy Dawgs Ears!

img_2020Yep, man’s been babbling on about some new huge Dawg park created by that great blue heeler in Washington wherever that is. All I know is that places like this where I love to roam and chase stuff and camp with man is even bigger! How can that be? Well, if it makes man feel good than I feel good too cause we are connected. I know he’s been upset about some crazy dawg hater cause  now and than he starts ranting about it but once we get out walking he calms down. Walking – calm – breathing. Take a lesson from me – the Desert Dawg. Get off the stupid screen thing and let’s go search for more ancient cool stuff. What’s more fun that that? Nuthin’. Well, bacon maybe, and steak, or burger, or…. well all combined is the best. A good long hike followed by food and sleep, in that order. Repeat when necessary. Like everyday. Which brings me to me! I’m all better! I was gimpy for a while but I’m back at it 100%. What about you? What do you think about me? You probably thinkin’ you never got your silly DD keep on rockin’ in the free world official Desert Dawg trucker hat. Well, fret no longer. Man was gone a ton. Helpin’ blind people in Africa, leading hikes in the mud in Bhutan, and driving around the new National Monument the Dawgs Ears! So, he profusely apologizes to all you dawg luvers out there that are still patiently waiting for your hat. If’s it one thing we dawgs know it’s patience. We basically just wait for you, our humans all day, everyday. So don’t be shy – remind man you want your stinkin’ hat. Now! He just got a whole new box. What he wants is your best pic of you wearin’ your DD hat. Our friend Anneka is gonna put em’ on her website. Maybe. If your pic is good enough. I know it is. Rock the hat, take a pic and send it to man! Whomever sends in the best pics will get to go hiking with me and man and I’ll share the bacon pan with you!

Oh yeah, if you’re in Canada, (I’ve been there) or Europe (haven’t been there) our good buddy Marko who used to love cats but now loves me is going to bring you your hats. He’s going to Canada and Europe so be sure to let us know.

I think that’s it. Happy New Year! Happy Dawgs Ears!

My Dawg Friends Rule

201010250018akpAnybody I’ve ever hiked with I remember. I might bark at ’em when they show up at our house but once I get a whiff that’s it. If we’ve shared an adventure together I will love you forever. This is me with my great buddy Rob Raker. You may have heard of him? He’s famous so man says. it might be because he can eat more food at a sitting than most humans. He can eat so much some call him the Foodraker. He can talk a lot too. He talks to me a lot. And I understand every word he says. He can hike and climb and ski and eat! He likes to stand on his head too for some strange reason. My dawg friends rule. You know who you are. There’s a lot of you out there but some are really special. You know how to sneak me salami skins when man isn’t looking. You know all about bacon. We howl at the moon together. Or just howl for the sake of howling. You know to take of my stupid pack and carry it so i don’t have to. Actually man has stopped making me carry a pack a while ago anyway. It takes time to train humans, patience, positive reinforcement, treats. But they can be trained with perseverance.

So a quick update on my leg and healing progress. I’m almost all better! I chased a rabbit yesterday and it felt so good. I’ve been running on the grass a little bit too. Man says we have to still take it easy this year though. it’s only been a couple months since the weird surgery business happened. But, I’m off the terrible painkillers and on the mend! Woof! Hats, yeah, Hats. Man has just asked our friend Anneka to make another batch so if you didn’t get yer hat yet make sure to remind man. He’s been so busy traveling around and stuff. His duffle bag smells really strange. But he’ll get you a hat you just have to be patient like me.

So, I think man is going somewhere again. I can tell by all the stuff laying around being packed. I’m gonna stay around here with my wonderful friend Carla. I have her so well trained. She’ll do anything for me. And if you see my buddy Rob Raker around tell him he’s the man. Well, man is the man. But Rob is super awesome and I want him come and go exploring with us again. Awooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Desert Dawg over and out.

New research suggests that dogs respond to meaning and intonation in human voices.

2011091172258AKPNo s__t Sherlock. Really? Come on? That’s the headline that man was reading from something called the New York Times. I’ve never been to New York and I probably ain’t goin’ but they sure don’t know much about dawgs there. I mean I wrote about dawg talk a long time ago. If those people from the NYT read the Desert Dawg Adventure Blawg they wouldn’t have to do any ‘new research” That’s old news. Any puppy can tell you that of course we respond to meaning and tone. Man can’t lie to me. It’s impossible. He can try but he’s a terrible liar. I can smell it. And tone? C’mon? All you gotta say to any dawg is “Where’s your ball?” is the highest voice possible and they will stop whatever they’re doing. Go ahead try it. get off your silly screen thing, turn to your good dawg lyin’ there on the floor or the couch or wherever and say “Where’s you ball?” Loud, high and clear. Even old deaf dawgs can hear that. Don’t need no silly New York Times to tell me. But humans need to be reminded of basic stuff a lot.

So this is me with one of our best friends Kasha. She is out in the woods getting rained on in Alaska which is way up north where there’s lots of bears. Shes probably not as tan as in this nice pic man made. She’s probably growing mold being out there in the rainy woods all the time. But shes talks in the highest squeakiest dawg voice of any human and I understand everything she says. Treats, walks, bacon, load up, stay, Staaaaaay, the list goes on and on.

Man is getting ready to go on a trip and I’m a little bummed cause I can tell I’m not going with him. I can tell by what’s he’s packed. Or what he has not packed: my stuff. But I’m going to stay, staaaaaay with some of my favorite people in the whole world the Macs. They love me. I love them. So this is Desert Dawg signing off. Talk often, speak clearly, an here’s a really great tip that the silly New York Times doesn’t even know: When you want to take a picture of yer dawg or any dawg just say “Statue of Liberty” in a really, really high voice. Get ready, cause right then you kin take yer picture. Works every time. Desert Dawg tested.

Six Essentials For Your Summer Road Trip

201104150119AKPThere I wuz just havin’ a little snooze on the couch and when I looked over at man he was reading about the National Parks and what a big deal it is and they are 100 years old and then I fell back asleep. Next time I looked over he was still reading about boring park stuff and how humans need this or that essential items for their road trips. Amazing how much stuff humans need. I guess they need those parks too so they be out there alone all together. I can tell you one thing: National Parks = No Dawgs. I guess you can be on a leash in the parking lot but that’s about it. Me? I don’t go to parks. Although I luv dawg parks! When we go out we go where it’s really wild. As soon as my leg is completely better we are gonna go out far far away. But yeah, he was readin’ some other boring stuff about how you need this or that for your summer road trip. Then there is the maps of the perfect road trip, then of course the perfect million dollar van that is ‘essential’. And the hammock, and the stove, and the watch that monitors your heart. It never ends. Well. I have been road tripping with man for as long as I can remember and we have learned a few things along the way. So I though I would share this knowledge with you, luver of dawgs and dawgkind.

First of all the west is shrinking. Trophy homes, gates, fracking, yuck. There are less and less places to get a good night’s rest. Go back to your old favorite dead end roads and get ready for a nasty surprise. If it’s not closed, or there is somebody already there it’s probably trashed. Makes man so mad. He’s always cleaning up after humans he calls “unworthy”. He says they are not worthy of the wild and beautiful places and he says a bunch of stuff I cant repeat here but then he takes a deep breath, opens a beer, yells at me for diggin’ chicken bonz out of the fire ring and then he buckles down and gets to work. Seems like this happens to us a lot. Road tripping = cleaning up after “Unworthies”

So here is a list of man’s essential items for your summer road trip:

  1. Garbage bags, good ones. plenty.
  2. Lighter. You know whats that’s for. Don’t be stupid and start a wild fire. If that’s the case you need # 3.
  3. Gloves. No explanation needed.
  4. Shovel.
  5. Tarp. So if there is a big huge ol’ pile of ash and trash you can’t possibly bag it all up and you don’t want all the gross stuff in your rig anyway. so, after you pull out all the trash and garbage and burned twisted glass you go somewhere as far as you can and dig a big hole. Then you shovel all the ash and partially burned green wood (idiots) on the tarp, and drag it all over to your hole and bury the whole thing. This is not approved but if you got another idea hit me.
  6. Pride. Be proud of your work. Educate others. Man says it’s not enough anymore to Leave No Trace. We must become Stewards Of The Land. We must take an extra step. Anyway he can go on and on about this topic. Feel free to call him, he’ll talk your ear off. I’m always happy when he gets done cleaning up though and camp looks good. Cause then it’s usually time for a walk and dinner!

Desert Dawg – tryin’ to help out my man.

Oh yeah. Did you get yer DD hat yet? Man just got a bunch more and he struggles with so many things so let him know if you still need one. He said he’s sending out a bunch tomorrow. Awooooooooooooooooooooooooo DD.

 

 

Desert Dawg Interview # ? (I can’t count that high)

14821_10151405690754890_1686891357_nFirst of all I want to thank all of you dawg luvvers out there! The thing is man was completely overwhelmed by how popular the DD hats were! I told him to be ready but man sometimes he’s a little slow to pick up on things. Everybody wants a Desert Dawg  Keep On Truckin’ hat! So, if you ordered one but didn’t get it well, we have another shipment comin’ soon. And sometimes man needs a little reminder too. Don’t be shy, just send him an email. He tries his best but sometimes……

So, this here is an interview I did for Mountain Dawg Life magazine from Canada. They have lots of mountains way up there in Canineada. So, man’s friend Leslie wanted to interview me; the Desert Dawg. The weird thing is Leslie isn’t a dawg person or a silly cat person he likes snakes! Yep, Like is said. Weird. But he asked some good questions: Here ya go:

Woof Leslie!

You don’t smell familiar, have we met? I don’t think so. This fan mail is so tiring, I think I’ll take a nap. Okay, I’m up. Wide awake, ready for a treat and a W A L K.

1) How old are you, where’d you come from, and what breed if any, do you identify with?

I don’t know how old I am, don’t care. Man and I met at the beginning of time about 10 years ago. I’m from Colorado. I only know that cause man tells me when we go visit and there are lots of familiar smells. I’m an Australian Cattle Dawg. Not to be confused with a sheep dawg. They are crazy, those sheep dawgs. We are also know as heelers. Some of us are blue and some are red. We are smart, handsome, loyal and like to keep everyone in line. Obey the rules an’ shit. No funny business. We are smart too. Did I already say that?

2) How did you get hooked up with this Man guy, Ace?

Man was just, like, there. It’s pretty blurry. He just was and we became one. One unit. Me and my man. Although today when he was distracted talkin’ about the environment or something else silly I wandered over to the burger place and met these really nice people from somewhere. So, I just settled in and looked up at the woman with my big brown eyes and next thing you know I was eatin’ burger! Forgot all about man til I heard him yellin’ my name.

3) When did you start the Desert Dawg Adventure Blawg blawg and what was the idea behind it? Do you have a big fan base? Is the blawg about your adventures helping connect more dumbass humans to the outdoors?

Well, man is always braggin’ about how awesome he was a long time ago so I decided to start my own blawg. Cause us heelers are know for bein’ so smart an’ stuff. I thought I would help other dawgs to understand their poor misunderstood humans. Help ’em train ’em. Got thousand of fans. Justin Bieber? You ever heard of him? He’s got nuthin’ on the Desert Dawg. The blawg helps humans to not put dawg packs on their dawgs and give us all more bacon and super useful stuff like that. Full of wisdom if you would have bothered to read it instead of asking me. Yawn.

4) I know it’s hard to know what’s going on in Ace’s head, but what do you think it’s like for him being a Man in a Dawg’s world?

Well if he could be more dawg like his life would be so much easier. But like most humans he makes it hard on himself. I mean just look at me. My needs are few. Sleep, eat, hike, shit. Repeat. Meet girls. yep, I still got it. Still a chick magnet even though man says I have dragon breath. Dawgs rule. But, you know that.

5) You guys went walkabout for a couple months, but it was hard to know who was leading who—what was happening out there? What’s the teamwork like with you guys? Did you keep man out of trouble? Did he keep you out of some?

Yep we went walkabout. That’s Australian for a really long walk. Man leads and I lead from behind man. Don’t get between us cause right behind man is my spot. So when he’s trying to figure the shit out he can talk to me and then he feels better. That’s my main job. Just being even, level headed, solid. Words like that all apply to me. We are a team. Sometimes man has to lower me down a canyon or up a cliff a little ways. i don’t like it much but I just play it cool. Do what I’m told. Don’t fidget or make it any harder than it has to be. It’s always tense but I just do my job cause I am a pack animal. I want to be with man and the pack and I’ll do what’s necessary.

6) You seem to have a long list of accomplishments—wolfing down pounds of bacon, taming Marko Shapiro, making a film; what’s your favorite activity (hiking, climbing, swimming, snoozing etc…) and what’s the hardest thing man has ever had you do?

Marko was a pushover. He likes f_____g cats! Can you believe it? Well, I showed him . No freakin’ cat does what we do. Crossing the uncrossable wilderness. Me and man. Marko loves me now. We skyped today actually. My favorite thing? Well food is very important of course. But my favorite thing is just goin’ for a walk on a nice evening, with some nice grass to run on, and maybe a fresh cowshit to roll in, and maybe a stupid cat to chase up a tree followed by a burger at the place. The hardest thing man has ever made me do? Well, we had to go to the vet once and I had my anal glands expressed. Do you want me to go into detail or is that good enough? I mean have you ever had your anal glands compacted? It’s no fun, let me tell you……..

7) I see you wrote a blawg on being a film star; what’s that like? Would you make another film? Any aspirations to get on the other side of the camera and direct?

I got a box of dawg treats from one of my sponsors today delivered UPS. And they are really, really good. My favorite. So having sponsors. I like it. A lot. Sure, I’ll make some more films. Just reviewing some scripts now actually but that’s top secret. That’s a good idea. Film directing. Heeling cows, film directing. should go paw in paw doncha’ think?

Smell ya later, time for din din!

Awwooooooo! Desert Dawg over and out.

Desert Dawg Trucker Hats! or Can You Tell How Much I Hate Posing Like This?

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Yep, man is all excited but I couldn’t really care less. I hate it when he makes me pose but here it is. Trucker Hats! Yawn. I think I’ll take a nap. But really a huge Woof! and howl to all you dawg luvers out there. Ya’ll dug deep and hepped man pay for my surgery and I am bouncing back big time! I’m still a little out of it sometimes cause man says I’m on painkillers ( while he opens another beer ) But yeah, I can pee to port now and I was able to cover up my morning business using both legs today and that’s  a huge breakthrough as I’ve been tryin’ to do it one legged for months. I can’t quite jump into the truck of adventure yet but real soon. I wanted to chase one of those black and white stinky kittys the other night but man barked at me so loud I stopped dead. Close call I think. Whewwww. But yeah, man made these hats. Well he found someone to make em’ and it turns out she’s from Colorado like me! She’s super cool, she even flies off mountains with a kite! Her name is Anneka and her company is called Recaps. http://www.recaphats.com/

So a HUGE THANK YOU! to all that donated to my Desert Dawg keep on truckin’ fund. I know man said he’d give some of you hats but he’s not that good at keepin’ track of everything and if he doesn’t have your address well………. man does his best but he needs hep too sometimes. So, if you want a hat or 2 make sure you contact him with some colors you like and your mailing address and maybe, if your lucky, or persistent you’ll git a hat with my awesome silhouette on it. They say ” DESERT DAWG” on the side too. I’m sure you’ll look proud and not like me in this picture. And if you haven’t’ donated but want a hat you can still donate here: https://www.crowdrise.com/desert-dawgs-knee-surgery/fundraiser/acekvale

Desert Dawg – Stronger every day!

 

 

201608010038AKP

WTF?

201509240299AKPWow, so much has happened in the last couple of weeks it’s gonna take me a couple of installments to tell you all about it. The thing is right now I’m laid up like never before. I mean I cut my leg on a fence once and I’ve had a couple of hard landings leaping off tall cliffs and such but I’ve never been reduced to laying around and walking on a leash! It sucks let me tell you. But, I know it will be better cause man is here taking really good care of me. I don’t like it too much when he puts the bags from the freezer on my leg but he talks to me the whole time so I know it’ll be okay. But let me tell you what happened. You probably know I got hurt and it just wasn’t getting any better so we went on a road trip anyway and had all kinds of adventures. With sheep, and big and little dawgs and swimming and stuff but then we went to this place that I didn’t like the smell of at all. I tried to escape when another dawg came in that’s how much I didn’t like it. But the people were so kind, so gentle and they know dawg talk. Man called it Pinebrook something which is clever cause the place has nothing to do with trees or rivers. But anyway man left me! He told me later he almost wrecked the truck of adventure he was so distraught but back to me. Well, the kind, nice people put me in a cage! I’ve never been in a cage before but they just kept whispering sweet things and started to poke and prod and shave me! Well, just let me say it was a strange day. I went to sleep somehow and woke up very bewildered and lonely and hurting but they were so nice. Then I could hear man talking to the nice ladies so I started howling GETMEOUTTAHERE. And finally they carried me out to the truck. It was all very surreal. I cant’ really walk, I’m kinda numb and my right rear leg just doesn’t work at all just now. But man is here. Holding me, talking to me, sleeping with me and carrying me around! Me. Desert Dawg. Carried. But it’s getting a little better already. Today I got bacon and forgot I was hurt for little bit. Then man took me for a drive so I could poop cause I don’t like to poop by the house so all in all I’m felling just a tiny bit better. Oh, but here comes man with those frozen bags again….. I think this is gonna take a long time.

In case you wanna hep: https://www.crowdrise.com/desert-dawgs-knee-surgery/fundraiser/acekvale

There’s Something Happening Here What It Is Ain’t Exactly Clear

201607030100AKPYep, I borrowed that from Man’s stereo which was blasting while were camping. Sometimes he has a couple of beers and the music gets loud and well, anyway….. There is something going on. I’ve been gimping around now for a month or so and even though I’ve gotten pretty good at 3 legs I can’t go out on the trail and help man navigate. I can’t even chase cats, or squirrels. So, even though I’ve adjusted I know man is a little bummed. So he’s been on the stupid screen thing and the phone a ton and I know he’s got some plan for me. Goin’ in for surgery whatever that is. And rehab. I think man needs to go to rehab personally but he’s made a appointment for me to go to a place called Pinebrook (nice name dontcha think?) up there by the big city and the nice people there are gonna fix me up good as new. So stay tuned, I’ll let you know how it goes. Man is going to take pictures of everybody too. And then he’s going to make Desert Dawg hats for all our fans and friends and well anybody who loves the outdoors and nature and all the great things in life. This picture is me sniffing for Buffalo. I’ve never seen one but I know what they smell like. Their big ol piles were all around our camp. We were up in some mountains called the Henrys driving around it seemed like forever looking for Buffalo. Really. Saw about a million deer with really tiny bambis and a fox and a coyote but nary a Buffalo in sight. I may only have 3 good legs at the moment but my smeller is still functioning perfectly. They were out there. We’ll just have to go back. Come with us!

Desert Dawg over and out.