Yep, that what they called us yesterday. Those blood sucking parasites trying to take away my backyard where I wander with man. Where I am lord and master of the glorious landscape. Where I rule and roam, howl, and run. Where I’m free, where man is free. To think, to dream, to sleep, to live, to love. Wealthy? Not sure was that is but I guess it’s when there’s plenty of milkbonz in the cookie jar. Elitist? What the heck is that? Urban? Isn’t he a country singer? Good guy to howl with. Dwellers? Aren’t we all? I dwell in the present. Sometimes I dwell in the truck. Mostly I dwell out here in the land of the free dawgs. Man is pretty mad right now. He might make me bite someone. But we are peace loving creatures. We just love to hike, and camp and howl at the moon. But a very small group of greedy humans want to take this away from us. All of us. You. Yes you, reading this. Feel helpless? I know man does sometimes but there is something you can do. No matter where you live. If you love the Grand Staircase – Escalante National Monument. If you love all the National Monuments all over the country. If you love dawgs. This is the tip of the dawg bone. If they do it here they will do it where you live too. Stop whatever you’re doing right now and write. If enough of us let them know we have the power to stop the evil. Here’s what you need to do right now, this minute:
Easy huh? Took like 5 minutes of your valuable time. Thank you from the bottom of my smelly dawg breath heart. Really, this is serious shit. Man thanks you too.
Man talks about some artist Andy something or nuther. Well, I can do art too. I call this one: Desert Dawgsworthy. Whaddaya think? I put the stick on the rock and voila! Dawg art! So yeah, I got some turkey skin in the resto yesterday from my friend Jen whom I love so much and wow! I luff Thanksgiving! I love humans who give me turkey skin that’s for sure. So Happy Thanksgiving to y’all and don’t forget the best thing in the world for dawgs is turkey skin. Just so you know. So then I heard tomorrow is Black Friday? What the hell is that? So freakin’ stoopid. I mean shopping is for losers. Hiking, powder skiing, climbing, exploring, that’s what cool people and their dawgs do on the Friday after Thanksgiving. Besides there’s no shopping within a hundred miles of where we live. Except for gas, chips, beer and Milkbonz. But oh yeah there is one thing: HATS! Yep man got all exited that we got hats and then we went out exploring and creating masterpieces and he forgot all about them. He is so lazy. This blawg is making his ass look fat. So, if you want a hat or three they are $30 smackers each. Oh that’s a lot you say? Well that fancy company that promises 1% for the planet is the same price. And our is like 66% for our awesome friend Anneka who makes ’em all custom for us. https://www.recaphats.com Then about 20% is for shipping them to you and the rest is for man to buy me kibble. Send yer check or cash to me Desert Dawg POB 1483, Boulder, UT 84716. Make sure you tell man what color you like cause they is all different. and don’t forget your address. And don’t be shy about bugging him to get on it. either. I’m not. So have a happy Thanksgiving everyone. Don’t forget to NOT go shopping tomorrow but let yer dawgs take you for a walk / run / ski / pee / sniff around. And don’t forget to give us all the turkey skin. There’ all kinda blawgs about not giving your pets leftovers well just so you know that does not apply to turkey skin, or bacon. Maybe cheese balls too.
Over and out from Desert Dawg
Yep, Back by popular demand. Man got a new batch of Desert Dawg keep on truckin’ hats. So for all those of you that never got one and aren’t too mad about it man got a new batch so let him know and I’ll go with him to the Post Office and we’ll send you one or two. I love goin’ to the Post Office cause Katie’s silly dawgs bark like crazy when they see me crusin’ around all free cause they are stuck in the truck usually when Katie is workin’. And she gives me a cookie and there’s a great lawn there by the Freebox which is always a good place to sniff around too.
So, we spent a lot of time on the road which is kind of boring especially cause man sneaks little pink pills into the cheese he gives me before we head out so I don’t remember a lot about the trip except we get to good places to explore, and camp and generally sniff. Man’s gettin’ a bit better so we are hikin’ a little bits but nuthin like those epic record setters of yesteryear. All good by me. I’m gettin’ pretty mellow like a fine wine or a good Scotch is what man says and he’s full of s__t or wisdom he likes to think. Yep, I’m content with the little things; morning cuddles, breakfast, a walk around the block, treat, stroll over to the coffee shop, get another treat, then maybe a snooze, then hopefully some lunch, then snooze, maybe a little walk and some treats and then dinner time! My favorite time of day, then if I’m lucky a bone, a couple more snoozes, repeat. Not too bad. I don’t really care about cows much anymore either, big stoopid beasts, but I like to eat beef. So yeah, just aging gracefully like a good stinky cheese. Me and my man, both slowing down. Don’t forget though to git hold of him if you want a hat. And some words of wisdom right here:
Fight everyday for the wild places. Bite those assholes that would take it away from us. But get out everyday too. Look up at the sky, howl at the moon, breathe deep and smell the sage, listen to the wind. Then go home and fight some more. We will bite them in their fat asses! -Desert Dawg over and out.
I’m Here For You
I know you are sad right now. I know you lost one of your pack, two even. I can hear it in your voice, I hear you on the phone with others in our pack. I see the way you walk around the house, I see you grabbing another beer, I feel you tossing and turning all night. But you know I’m here for you. I love waking up with you everyday. The sun still rises and we live another day although others are gone. Yesterday was tough. We just went out and sat on a rock to cry a little bit but it helped. Today we walked around and looked up at the beautiful autumn sky. Well, you did, I was busy sniffing and peeing and trying to sneak off to the back door of the restaurant until you got mad and yelled at me. Than you felt bad for being being mad but’s it’s okay cause I’m always here for you. That’s me Desert Dawg. Solid. Steady. A little bad sometimes but only a little. I love you. Always have, always will. Everyday is the best day of my life. And that’s your life too. Last summer I was hurt and you helped me and our whole pack helped and I got better and we got through it. Then this summer you got hurt, really hurt and it sucked. But I was there, every night, every day and you’re getting’ better! I helped just by bein’ me. I’m getting a little older, a little wiser maybe. I don’t hear so good anymore but I hear what I need to. I hear you snoring sometimes. It’s true, you do snore but only when you drink too much. So, don’t be sad. I guess what I mean is be sad but be strong and be the good man that I know you are. Do more good stuff. Tell people you love ‘em. Go for more walks. Don’t be bothered by all the crazy shit going on. Just be. True. Alive. Strong. Do all the good shit you’re meant to be doing.
Yep, that’s me back there resting in this fine wonderful beautiful photo man made of our sublime camp in the Waterpocket Fold. I was tired. Dawg tired. I’m growing older gracefully man says but I gotta say this last trip was pretty hard. I puked a couple times. The heat? That cowshit I ate? The Lake Foul water I drank? I dunno but it was pretty rough so I rested a lot and let man wander around creating beautiful artsy fartsy pictures with me in them. I mean just look at that swimming hole right outside our tent in the desert? Doesn’t get much better than that. The thing is man and our wonderful friends Lisa and Keith keep talking about the land, and the beauty, and the quiet and some crazy assholes that want to take it all away? WTF? Sez I the Desert Dawg. Who would want to destroy this? Only crazy people. I know they are out there. I’ve smelt them from a distance and it’s not a good smell. We’ve been wandering these canyons since time began. For me that is. As long as I can remember which is pretty far back man and I have camped, climbed, gazed at the stars, howled at the the moon, tiptoed around cactus, climbed cliffs, swam through slots and camped in the most beautiful places a dawg or a human can imagine exist. Why would anyone want to take this away? It’s our right. It’s our life. It’s our land. It’s our Water. It’s our air. For all dawgs and humans. I tell ya, no dawg would ever dream of spoiling this incredible landscape. What is it with humans that they would destroy the very thing that gives us life? WTF? Man’s ranting has rubbed off on me but I’ve never heard him so upset about stuff. Luckily the beautiful Lisa is around to make those guys put a lid on it. Lisa likes to read to me. Ohhh, it’s so nice, the sound of her voice, a canyon wren in the distance, I just go right off to dreamland and she just keeps reading away. It’s the best. She brings me treats too. So for the sake of all dawgs and humans make the crazy ones stop. We need the wild lands wild. We need to roam, and howl at the moon, and swim in the scummy potholes whenever we want. That’s livin’! And that’s what we do – me and my man and his super awesome friends. Keep It wild!
Yep, that’s us, what we do. Explore the great unknown by day, relax in great comfort by night. I’ve got man trained so well. He carries my tent, my bag, my food, everything that I need to be extra cozy every night. It took several years to complete this human training. They may be slow to comprehend even basic commands sometimes. But, with patience, and perseverance any human can be trained to be a good human. Sit, stay, the easy stuff is no problem. But, getting man to carry ten pounds of gear and food for me? Well, it wasn’t easy but after a couple of years he figured it out. The other thing that takes some time is camp orientation. What’s that you may wonder? Well it’s simple really. Once man sets up my tent, blows up my mattress, shakes out my sleeping bag, feeds me dinner, makes sure my water bowl is full of fresh water then he can take care of his own junk show. The thing is I need to be able to smell and see everything going on. So the tent or sometimes the truck has to be facing the kitchen, or the fire , or wherever food is being prepared and people are hanging out so that I can be ever watchful, waiting without of course having to move. Wind is also an important consideration. The sleeping quarters should be downwind so the wonderful cooking smells blow right into the tent and my sniffer. Luckily man has done this thousands of times and has it totally dialed. That’s why we are such a great team. It took many years but we have it down to a science. I believe in science, do you? So, if you want to learn how to dawg camp like a pro you should come with us sometime. There’s only one thing that makes man really mad. Tent rocks. Yep, rocks that humans move to hold down their tent and then leave ’em there. Arrgghh. If we just even walk by tent rocks where humans have camped man has to stop and move them all back where they belong. So be warned: when you come camping with us take extra care with your tent rocks and put them back exactly how you found them. You know, when I’m done with my morning business I sweep over it. Well, man sweeps up the whole camp, then walks backwards out to make sure there is no sign that anyone was ever there, ever. That’s my man. Extreme by day, extremely anal and comfortable by night. Join us! Put back you tent rocks! – Desert Dawg
Yep, man’s been babbling on about some new huge Dawg park created by that great blue heeler in Washington wherever that is. All I know is that places like this where I love to roam and chase stuff and camp with man is even bigger! How can that be? Well, if it makes man feel good than I feel good too cause we are connected. I know he’s been upset about some crazy dawg hater cause now and than he starts ranting about it but once we get out walking he calms down. Walking – calm – breathing. Take a lesson from me – the Desert Dawg. Get off the stupid screen thing and let’s go search for more ancient cool stuff. What’s more fun that that? Nuthin’. Well, bacon maybe, and steak, or burger, or…. well all combined is the best. A good long hike followed by food and sleep, in that order. Repeat when necessary. Like everyday. Which brings me to me! I’m all better! I was gimpy for a while but I’m back at it 100%. What about you? What do you think about me? You probably thinkin’ you never got your silly DD keep on rockin’ in the free world official Desert Dawg trucker hat. Well, fret no longer. Man was gone a ton. Helpin’ blind people in Africa, leading hikes in the mud in Bhutan, and driving around the new National Monument the Dawgs Ears! So, he profusely apologizes to all you dawg luvers out there that are still patiently waiting for your hat. If’s it one thing we dawgs know it’s patience. We basically just wait for you, our humans all day, everyday. So don’t be shy – remind man you want your stinkin’ hat. Now! He just got a whole new box. What he wants is your best pic of you wearin’ your DD hat. Our friend Anneka is gonna put em’ on her website. Maybe. If your pic is good enough. I know it is. Rock the hat, take a pic and send it to man! Whomever sends in the best pics will get to go hiking with me and man and I’ll share the bacon pan with you!
Oh yeah, if you’re in Canada, (I’ve been there) or Europe (haven’t been there) our good buddy Marko who used to love cats but now loves me is going to bring you your hats. He’s going to Canada and Europe so be sure to let us know.
I think that’s it. Happy New Year! Happy Dawgs Ears!
Anybody I’ve ever hiked with I remember. I might bark at ’em when they show up at our house but once I get a whiff that’s it. If we’ve shared an adventure together I will love you forever. This is me with my great buddy Rob Raker. You may have heard of him? He’s famous so man says. it might be because he can eat more food at a sitting than most humans. He can eat so much some call him the Foodraker. He can talk a lot too. He talks to me a lot. And I understand every word he says. He can hike and climb and ski and eat! He likes to stand on his head too for some strange reason. My dawg friends rule. You know who you are. There’s a lot of you out there but some are really special. You know how to sneak me salami skins when man isn’t looking. You know all about bacon. We howl at the moon together. Or just howl for the sake of howling. You know to take of my stupid pack and carry it so i don’t have to. Actually man has stopped making me carry a pack a while ago anyway. It takes time to train humans, patience, positive reinforcement, treats. But they can be trained with perseverance.
So a quick update on my leg and healing progress. I’m almost all better! I chased a rabbit yesterday and it felt so good. I’ve been running on the grass a little bit too. Man says we have to still take it easy this year though. it’s only been a couple months since the weird surgery business happened. But, I’m off the terrible painkillers and on the mend! Woof! Hats, yeah, Hats. Man has just asked our friend Anneka to make another batch so if you didn’t get yer hat yet make sure to remind man. He’s been so busy traveling around and stuff. His duffle bag smells really strange. But he’ll get you a hat you just have to be patient like me.
So, I think man is going somewhere again. I can tell by all the stuff laying around being packed. I’m gonna stay around here with my wonderful friend Carla. I have her so well trained. She’ll do anything for me. And if you see my buddy Rob Raker around tell him he’s the man. Well, man is the man. But Rob is super awesome and I want him come and go exploring with us again. Awooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Desert Dawg over and out.
No s__t Sherlock. Really? Come on? That’s the headline that man was reading from something called the New York Times. I’ve never been to New York and I probably ain’t goin’ but they sure don’t know much about dawgs there. I mean I wrote about dawg talk a long time ago. If those people from the NYT read the Desert Dawg Adventure Blawg they wouldn’t have to do any ‘new research” That’s old news. Any puppy can tell you that of course we respond to meaning and tone. Man can’t lie to me. It’s impossible. He can try but he’s a terrible liar. I can smell it. And tone? C’mon? All you gotta say to any dawg is “Where’s your ball?” is the highest voice possible and they will stop whatever they’re doing. Go ahead try it. get off your silly screen thing, turn to your good dawg lyin’ there on the floor or the couch or wherever and say “Where’s you ball?” Loud, high and clear. Even old deaf dawgs can hear that. Don’t need no silly New York Times to tell me. But humans need to be reminded of basic stuff a lot.
So this is me with one of our best friends Kasha. She is out in the woods getting rained on in Alaska which is way up north where there’s lots of bears. Shes probably not as tan as in this nice pic man made. She’s probably growing mold being out there in the rainy woods all the time. But shes talks in the highest squeakiest dawg voice of any human and I understand everything she says. Treats, walks, bacon, load up, stay, Staaaaaay, the list goes on and on.
Man is getting ready to go on a trip and I’m a little bummed cause I can tell I’m not going with him. I can tell by what’s he’s packed. Or what he has not packed: my stuff. But I’m going to stay, staaaaaay with some of my favorite people in the whole world the Macs. They love me. I love them. So this is Desert Dawg signing off. Talk often, speak clearly, an here’s a really great tip that the silly New York Times doesn’t even know: When you want to take a picture of yer dawg or any dawg just say “Statue of Liberty” in a really, really high voice. Get ready, cause right then you kin take yer picture. Works every time. Desert Dawg tested.
There I wuz just havin’ a little snooze on the couch and when I looked over at man he was reading about the National Parks and what a big deal it is and they are 100 years old and then I fell back asleep. Next time I looked over he was still reading about boring park stuff and how humans need this or that essential items for their road trips. Amazing how much stuff humans need. I guess they need those parks too so they be out there alone all together. I can tell you one thing: National Parks = No Dawgs. I guess you can be on a leash in the parking lot but that’s about it. Me? I don’t go to parks. Although I luv dawg parks! When we go out we go where it’s really wild. As soon as my leg is completely better we are gonna go out far far away. But yeah, he was readin’ some other boring stuff about how you need this or that for your summer road trip. Then there is the maps of the perfect road trip, then of course the perfect million dollar van that is ‘essential’. And the hammock, and the stove, and the watch that monitors your heart. It never ends. Well. I have been road tripping with man for as long as I can remember and we have learned a few things along the way. So I though I would share this knowledge with you, luver of dawgs and dawgkind.
First of all the west is shrinking. Trophy homes, gates, fracking, yuck. There are less and less places to get a good night’s rest. Go back to your old favorite dead end roads and get ready for a nasty surprise. If it’s not closed, or there is somebody already there it’s probably trashed. Makes man so mad. He’s always cleaning up after humans he calls “unworthy”. He says they are not worthy of the wild and beautiful places and he says a bunch of stuff I cant repeat here but then he takes a deep breath, opens a beer, yells at me for diggin’ chicken bonz out of the fire ring and then he buckles down and gets to work. Seems like this happens to us a lot. Road tripping = cleaning up after “Unworthies”
So here is a list of man’s essential items for your summer road trip:
- Garbage bags, good ones. plenty.
- Lighter. You know whats that’s for. Don’t be stupid and start a wild fire. If that’s the case you need # 3.
- Gloves. No explanation needed.
- Tarp. So if there is a big huge ol’ pile of ash and trash you can’t possibly bag it all up and you don’t want all the gross stuff in your rig anyway. so, after you pull out all the trash and garbage and burned twisted glass you go somewhere as far as you can and dig a big hole. Then you shovel all the ash and partially burned green wood (idiots) on the tarp, and drag it all over to your hole and bury the whole thing. This is not approved but if you got another idea hit me.
- Pride. Be proud of your work. Educate others. Man says it’s not enough anymore to Leave No Trace. We must become Stewards Of The Land. We must take an extra step. Anyway he can go on and on about this topic. Feel free to call him, he’ll talk your ear off. I’m always happy when he gets done cleaning up though and camp looks good. Cause then it’s usually time for a walk and dinner!
Desert Dawg – tryin’ to help out my man.
Oh yeah. Did you get yer DD hat yet? Man just got a bunch more and he struggles with so many things so let him know if you still need one. He said he’s sending out a bunch tomorrow. Awooooooooooooooooooooooooo DD.