Yep, That’s what a nice female human said to man while we were ice climbing. Well, man was ice climbing, I was laying on my dawg bed, with my down vest on, covered up by man’s big down coat. Have I told you that ice climbing is probably the most boring thing ever? I mean I’d rather watch TV! Man and his friends bash around, make a lot of noise with sharp tools, yell at each other and it’s cold. So there I wuz. Bored, cold, but comfy in the down room when the nice person saw how man looks after me. Well, it sounds like man is going ice climbing again. Some place called Alaska. Sounds cold to me. I’m going to stay here in sunny Yewtah and hike everyday with my great friend Carla. She doesn’t ice climb. I wonder if there are cows in Alaska? Probably too cold with all that ice.
How do you like this picture of me? Handsome I know. I’ve still got it. That’s what man says and everything he says is true most of the time. This is me telling him to get his lazy ass out of the tent and feed me. It’s time for breakfast! I like to have breakfast first thing, right away. No coffee, no nuthin’. Food, Now. Then we can commence with the day’s adventure. Wherever it may lead. Where man leads I follow. Unless we’ve been there before, even once a long time ago. Then I lead cause I remember stuff better than man. His memory is sometimes faulty although he doesn’t’ let on. So get out and have an adventure with your human or your dawg or both! Desert Dawg over and out.
For two months I’ve been hard at work keeping an eye on man and his friends while they got lost in the canyon wilderness. Now we’re home and I’m out of work, bored, restless and laying on the couch. Probably gonna gain a bunch of weight too. Least I hope so cause I love food. What to do? Go for walks, chew on toys, chase the occasional cow or deer. I mean everyday I had a good job. Get up, wake man up, eat, take care of my business, hike all day, get to camp, eat, sleep, repeat. Life was good. Chase some silly bunnies, howled at coyotes and the full moon. Got treats all the time especially salami skins. (I love salami skin.) washed the dishes, went swimming, kissed everybody a bunch, snuggled with man every night but now we’re home and I’m back on the couch. I mean it’s great to be home don’t get me wrong. It’s warm and cozy and life is easy but I’m a workin’ dawg. I love to work, like hike everyday. I’m so strong and fit right now. What if it all turns to fat? What then? Oh well, there’s morning walkies, and afternoon walkies and some hikes but mostly it’s the couch and barking at intruders and stuff. Boring, but cozy. My claws need to grow back too. They are nuthin’ but little stubs. So, if you hear of any good work for an over qualified blue heeler (me) or if you want to go hiking please let me know. You can send a message to man. He seems to be happy to lay around on the couch all day but I know him. He’ll get antsy here in a week or two and we’ll have to go climbing or something. Desert Dawg – back on the couch.
Yep, A cat lover too. That’s right. One’s of man’s best old friend’s Marko is here getting ready to go with us and he’s a freakin’ cat lover. Sad, but true. However. he is extremely trainable. Who say you can’t teach an old human new tricks? I mean it only took a day till he was sneakin’ me treats. Then another day till he let me lick him on the mug. Now he’s talkin’ dawg and and showing me stuff in the fridge and is amazed by my super powers on rock and chasing cows and shutting the door when I come in and well, basically he was pushover. You can turn a stupid cat lover into a dawg lover. We just did it. Living proof. Walkies 3 times a day, tug o’ war with the old duck on the living room floor, walk around talking in a really high voice all the time. Cat guy becomes a dawg lover!
Now we are about to set off on some huge long walkabout. I’m ready. I’m always ready. But man is kind of stressed and not only cause he can’t stop scratchin’ the poison ivy he got the other day (might be from cuddling with me while out exploring) but also cause he has packed about a ton of food and treats for me! I don’t know much about the details. Not my job. My job is to keep these guys in sight and safe and happy and not give them poison ivy or get skunked or eat cow shit or anything else like that. You can follow our journey on some stupid thing called assbook. Humans call it facebook but for dawgs it’s about the other end. So pack plenty of treats, talk in a high pitched voice and sneak treats to your favorite dawg whenever possible! Desert Dawg over and out. Way out.
Are you aware that today is National Dawg Day? Nope, me neither. But man has just informed me that that is in fact the case. So, stop whatever you are doing and go rub your dawg’s belly and tell em’ how much you love ’em. Easy huh? Now everyone feels better. Other stuff you should do is go for a walk and get a good bone. That’s about it. Pretty easy holiday. In fact almost everyday is dawg day around here. If you don’t have a dawg maybe you should think about getting one? It’s a fact (man told me) that humans with dawgs live longer, are happier, are all around better humans. Actually we don’t trust humans without dawgs. Sometimes when we are out hiking we see dawgs attached to humans with a leash. Well, I can do that when are in a city or someplace dangerous for dawgs. But out in the woods? I feel sorry for those dawgs and their humans. I can’t imagine not being able to run free, chase rabbits, round up cows, eat cow poop and all the other fun stuff we do. I guess some humans need a leash too. Anyway I know man has some big hike coming up but I can tell I’m going. He is laying out our supplies. So, I’ll just rest and be ready. I was born ready. Go love on your dawg, roll around on the floor, play like there’s no tomorrow cause today is National day of the dawg!
Man has about 17 pairs of shoes in the entrance hall. Then in his gear room he has a ton of boots and shoes and spike things to put on his boots and ski stuff too. So complicated. How does he decide? When he does go out barefoot he doesn’t make it very far. Fragile those humans. Me? Just take a look. One set of go anywhere do anything paws. I can climb mountains, shred couloirs, swim rivers, bury bones, cross deserts, and even hold down the bacon pan when I lick it clean. I know how to avoid cactus, hot pavement, (the worst) and I can run like the wind. I can chase cows, catch balls and shut the door when I come in the house. My paws are amazing. Just don’t touch them. Yep, I don’t like anyone messing with my paws. When I do get a sticker stuck I just stand there and wait for man to fix me up. I heard some dawgs have booties. Well, just don’t put those things on me. I won’t stand for it. Sometimes my paws get tired but I recover super fast. They get hot too that’s why I like to stand in mud and potholes and stuff. Cools me right down. Did you know that dawgs sweat through their pads? Man said he read it on the internet whatever the hell that is so it must be true. I heard too that some dawgs need to have their nails clipped. Must not get out much poor things. Somebody should tell their people to go hiking. I’ve never had my nails clipped plus I wouldn’t let you even try. My paws rule and get me wherever man goes once he decides which shoes to wear! Desert Dawg – over and out. Way out!
Beautiful ain’t it? My smeller. It’s a work of art. Man says that dawgs noses work so good that science can’t even measure it. Off the charts so to speak. Like even when I’m napping on the couch and man opens the fridge I know everything that’s in there. I don’t have to think about it. It’s just instant knowledge. Like if he grabs the cheese I know it. And if he starts to take out something like elk meat well then I get off the couch and nonchalantly venture into the kitchen to get a visual bearing on whatever may be happening. My nose runs my life. It sticks out there in front and leads the way. The worst thing ever was when I got skunked. Ground zero right in my schnoz. Imagine you poor human if you got blinded by some stupid kitty with black and white stripes? It sucked. Man took care of me even though he complained a lot. Everybody had to say something too for the next few days. Not only couldn’t I smell anything it was humiliating. It faded after a few days though and my super powers returned. Most times when our friends show up I sound the warning to let man know there are intruders. But then I get their scent, and even if I haven’t’ smelt them for years and years when I do and I know that they are part of our tribe, well then sometimes I just have to start talking about it. Makes me so happy to smell our old friends. And dawgs, how do I explain? The amount of information that I get from a dawg’s butt? Science can’t even measure it! That’s why we sniff so much, it’s just so interesting. The nose knows, knows it all. A glorious wondrous sniffing machine. Go ahead kiss me on the nose I love it. Desert Dawg over and out.
I’m not sure if he’s leaving me again. I think he’s staying here where he belongs but it’s been hectic around here. Duffle bags in the hallway, people coming and going, strange stuff. He talks to me but I can’t always trust him. What if he’s doing the ‘ol bait and switch? He would never do that but he’s acting funny. Packing, unpacking, saying one thing and doin’ another. Humans can drive me crazy. All I can do is stay close, real close. Bathroom, living room, kitchen, outside, inside, post office, coffee shop, truck. Never ending vigilance, that’s me. Worrisome is what it is. Why can’t he just chill out? Like last night we loaded up with his friends and went over to Mike’s. Mike’s cool but then they got out those huge smelly horses and they put me in a f_____g kennel! Me – the Desert Dawg, locked up like a common mongrel. Well, I let them know how not psyched I was. I haven’t been in a cage since…….. well, I don’t remember exactly but it seems like a long time ago, like the very first time I saw man. When I put my head under his hand and I thought – me, pick me, take me home with you. Ever since it’s been us. Except when he leaves me. I can always tell. He acts strange, It’s hard to get a good nap when I have to listen all the time. So yeah, I love my man but sometimes he drives me crazy. He needs to just stay here with me. Hike everyday, nap on the couch every afternoon. Morning and evening walkies. Us dawgs like routine. Anyway, we’re here right now. There’s no duffel bags in the hallway. So things are lookin’ good, I think I’ll take a nap. Actually I’ll nap in the middle of the hallway so if there is any movement I’ll be ready. Desert Dawg – I was born ready!
Dawg may be mans best friend but Man’s best friends are my best friends. This is me with Geoff and Sara. They are so awesome. They brought treats and even steaks! Sara did call me plump when she got here but she is still a puppy so I let it go. We went for a long hike and I showed her I still got it. Yep, friends are what it’s all about. Especially trained ones like these guys. Man likes to say: ” I may be broke most of the time but I’m still a wealthy man.” If you measure wealth by friendships we are rich beyond your wildest dawg dreams. I mean just look at that grin on my face. That might be because of those bacon flavored treats that the wonderful Sara brought for me. Love that girl. Anyway, tell your friends you love ’em, lick ’em on the face is what I do, go for long hikes that have good swimming holes. Eat steak whenever possible. Have you heard about this thing the paleo diet? I think I’d like that. Don’t forget to howl at the moon too, always makes me feel good, part of the pack, man’s pack of awesome friends from all over the world. Love you guys! Desert dawg over and out.
Man’s back! Yep, Life is returning to normal whatever that is. All I know is my Man is back and I slept on the bed with his wonderful smell filling my sniffer. So much has happened I don’t know where to start. Carla adopted a baby racoon she found under an owl’s nest. Looked like a stuffed toy to me but she wouldn’t let me rip it’s head off even though I really wanted to. Then there was a cow in the yard and a cowboy came on his horse and chased it out. I coulda done that myself. Ziggy has been hangin’ around and there’s a live mouse in the bucket by the front door but all that matters is that Man is back and we’re goin’ hikin’. He brought me one of those huge bones again too but he hid it in the freezer, I saw him. Then he’s been talkin’ about some guy he met that’s gonna make me special dawg food for adventurin’. I’m a little worried about that but I’ll eat anything. Even cow shit which is pretty tasty sometimes – you should try it. Anyway, I just wanted to let ya’ll know that Man is home and you know where to find us – out in the backyard exploring and livin’ the life of Desert Dawg – world famous adventurer!
So when man’s friends come over, if their dawg people that is, I like to show them what’s in my toy box. That way too other dawgs know immediately that this is a dawg friendly house. We luv dawgs. Most that is. So man’s friends are always bringin’ him stuff. Food, clothes, beer. But what about me? Rare it is that human’s remember to bring me something. Like a new toy. And I love toys. Especially new ones. Right now I have a horse with one eye, a dragon, an Easter bunny, a puppy with no head, a chicken that lost its squeaker, a worm thing with 2 squeakers that don’t work, a long green lizard, a crocodile, a yellow headless thing, a really old duck (personal favorite) an elephant, a monkey, another chicken that has absolutely no filling left, just skin, a little dolphin, and a rubber purple dragon that’s just for when I feel mellow. So that’s it. Man threw away the really old smelly gross, headless, eyeless things so my box is only about 3/4 full. That’s 1/4 empty for all of you coming to visit! That’s right, don’t forget to bring man his beer but don’t forget there’s someone else who lives here who needs stuff too. No beads. Never, ever, get dawg toys that have beads. One puppy comes over and that’s it. Beads everywhere. And don’t buy that made in China crap either if you can help it. I guess they’re all made in China wherever the heck that is I’m just repeating man. He gets all heated up about some stuff sometimes. The best are thrift stores and yard sales or you could just steal them from your friends kids? Okay, forget I said that. Sometimes kids give me their toys. That is the best dawg luv right there. Oh yeah, one other important thing. Man fixed it so you can subscribe to my blawg. Just click on that button up top and you’ll know when I’m imparting some dawg wisdom. So, git outside and have yersef some fun. Play catch or somethin’. Desert Dawg over and out.